Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Shall We Daydream Together?
This morning I watched Mim as she slowly started to wake up. I went down to lie next to her and said 'good morning, Darling. Did you have any nice dreams?' And she said to me, 'No, I'll try and have one now'.
So she squeezed her eyes together as hard as they could go. She opened them again and told me 'it's a bit tricky because there's too much light now.'
So girls, next time you ask a boy to marry you and he says no, there is no need to feel all rejected. No need to turn to wine or retail therapy. He obviously is just not well educated.
(picture by 'Daydream' by Diana Durba at flapjacket.com)
So she squeezed her eyes together as hard as they could go. She opened them again and told me 'it's a bit tricky because there's too much light now.'
'But Mum, shall we daydream together?'
Now I'm not a huge morning person, particularly pre-caffeine, but this melted my heart. So we daydreamed. And then I said to her 'What are you daydreaming about?' She told me at all of 5 years of age,
'I wish Max would marry me. When we were in Australia, I asked him, but he said no.'
'I'm sorry he said no, Sweetie. Don't worry too much about it.'
'Well, I think maybe he just didn't know what it meant. How do you think I could teach him? If he knew what it meant, I think he would've said yes. But he's just a little boy.'
So girls, next time you ask a boy to marry you and he says no, there is no need to feel all rejected. No need to turn to wine or retail therapy. He obviously is just not well educated.
(picture by 'Daydream' by Diana Durba at flapjacket.com)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
World Day Against Child Labour
So today, June 12th, is World Day Against Child Labour.
Actually, sometimes I walk past a child at work who should clearly not be there, and quite often I don't even blink an eye. It is such a common sight. In Australia, we have so much justice inbuilt in our system. Minimum wages, legal working ages, right to form a union and the like. Not only that, people well know their rights and protection is enforced. I have no doubt that the use of child labour is a hidden issue in my city, although I do not know to what extent. But here in India, there is no need to hide. It is just an accepted fact of life that children need to work to support their families. In fact, (as far as I can tell) the Child Labour Act of India provides guidelines outlining the conditions under which a child under 14 can be employed. And while I appreciate the protections that are offered by this act, the provision of a minimum working age is not one of them. (Surely this can't be right?? If anyone knows otherwise, I'd love to hear about it.) Also, a walk around the city will make one wonder how much the protection that has been legislated is adhered to or enforced.
Yet this is not a black and white issue. If we plucked all the child labourers from their work we would see some (many) families lose a significant source of income. My heart breaks for children that don't have the luxury of education that my children have, and maybe more than that are deprived of the opportunity to simply play and explore. When children are forced into adult worlds, adult responsibilities, adult conversations by virute of being present in a workplace as a child I can't help but lament all the beautiful childhood treasures that will no doubt just go unrealised. But somehow, we have made for ourselves a society that demands cheap products, allowing corporations to be competitive by seeking the cheapest of workers.
UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that children have the right to be protected from performing any work that is likely to be hazardous or to interfere with the child’s education, or to be harmful to the child’s health or physical, mental, spiritual, moral or social development. It also states that primary education should be compulsory and available free to all and encourages the development of different forms of secondary education available and accessible to every child.
As someone who sees child labour so frequently, I'm thankful for the reminder that this is not ok. For those of us who see it so little that we forget that child labour is probably behind a lot of products we possess and consume it is also a wake up call.
For more infomation, start at http://www.ilo.org/ipec/Action/lang--en/index.htm
While I'm sure that this a hidden problem in Australia, the wide, open nature of detrimental child labour here in India is quite a contrast.
Actually, sometimes I walk past a child at work who should clearly not be there, and quite often I don't even blink an eye. It is such a common sight. In Australia, we have so much justice inbuilt in our system. Minimum wages, legal working ages, right to form a union and the like. Not only that, people well know their rights and protection is enforced. I have no doubt that the use of child labour is a hidden issue in my city, although I do not know to what extent. But here in India, there is no need to hide. It is just an accepted fact of life that children need to work to support their families. In fact, (as far as I can tell) the Child Labour Act of India provides guidelines outlining the conditions under which a child under 14 can be employed. And while I appreciate the protections that are offered by this act, the provision of a minimum working age is not one of them. (Surely this can't be right?? If anyone knows otherwise, I'd love to hear about it.) Also, a walk around the city will make one wonder how much the protection that has been legislated is adhered to or enforced.
Yet this is not a black and white issue. If we plucked all the child labourers from their work we would see some (many) families lose a significant source of income. My heart breaks for children that don't have the luxury of education that my children have, and maybe more than that are deprived of the opportunity to simply play and explore. When children are forced into adult worlds, adult responsibilities, adult conversations by virute of being present in a workplace as a child I can't help but lament all the beautiful childhood treasures that will no doubt just go unrealised. But somehow, we have made for ourselves a society that demands cheap products, allowing corporations to be competitive by seeking the cheapest of workers.
UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that children have the right to be protected from performing any work that is likely to be hazardous or to interfere with the child’s education, or to be harmful to the child’s health or physical, mental, spiritual, moral or social development. It also states that primary education should be compulsory and available free to all and encourages the development of different forms of secondary education available and accessible to every child.
As someone who sees child labour so frequently, I'm thankful for the reminder that this is not ok. For those of us who see it so little that we forget that child labour is probably behind a lot of products we possess and consume it is also a wake up call.
For more infomation, start at http://www.ilo.org/ipec/Action/lang--en/index.htm
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Today, a thought that is so powerful from aholyexperience.com
Only speak words that make souls stronger
Sunday, May 13, 2012
His arrows will go swift and far.
Children
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, 'Speak to us of Children.'
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Khalil Gibran
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Finding my amazement
So I'm still thinking about the whole concept of using my moments well, and trying to practice this intentionally. I'm thinking about the days when this is hard. Usually for me, it is days that are hard for some reason. Not just one or two moments here or there. If I'm having a bad day with the kids, it's usually a string of badly used moments. I give short, sharp anwsers, or 'maybe laters', and every time I do, I'm kicking myself because every time I dampen their precious enthusiasm a little bit more.
And of course, that's the last thing I want to do. I would love to still be amazed by the little things. I love that children find so much awe in the things around them, without any effort at all. Wouldn't it be great to still be amazed by the small things? In fact, truth be told, when I try to find my childlike amazement at the little things for the sake of my children, I'm usually just pretending. Faking it, if you will. Which is one of our jobs as parents, to nuture and foster that beautiful excitability. But it is pretty draining, right? 'Hey Mum! Hey Mum! Hey Mum, in the story we read today...' and I'm in for a half hour of 'amazement'. Especially because I was the one that read the story to them.
So when I came across the '7 Secrets of Raising a Healthy Child' I agreed with pretty much all of it, and would probably add a few of my own beliefs to the mix. But at the same time, I was exhausted at all the smiling I was supposed to be doing.
So today my prayer is for myself, that my amazement is genuine. That my love for my children will render genuine amazement with them, as they discover the world around them.
And here is the stolen material...
And of course, that's the last thing I want to do. I would love to still be amazed by the little things. I love that children find so much awe in the things around them, without any effort at all. Wouldn't it be great to still be amazed by the small things? In fact, truth be told, when I try to find my childlike amazement at the little things for the sake of my children, I'm usually just pretending. Faking it, if you will. Which is one of our jobs as parents, to nuture and foster that beautiful excitability. But it is pretty draining, right? 'Hey Mum! Hey Mum! Hey Mum, in the story we read today...' and I'm in for a half hour of 'amazement'. Especially because I was the one that read the story to them.
So when I came across the '7 Secrets of Raising a Healthy Child' I agreed with pretty much all of it, and would probably add a few of my own beliefs to the mix. But at the same time, I was exhausted at all the smiling I was supposed to be doing.
So today my prayer is for myself, that my amazement is genuine. That my love for my children will render genuine amazement with them, as they discover the world around them.
And here is the stolen material...
7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Sean Platt of the Writer Dad blog.
Nature and nurture are in a never ending battle to claim the disposition of our children. While it’s true that the apple rarely tumbles too far from the tree, it is also true that there are a multitude of things we as parents can do to safeguard the childhoods of our children, limit their exposure to the more damaging elements the world will see fit to introduce in time, and do our best to raise a healthy and happy child.
We might not be able to help the variety of our branches, but we are the ones who control the nutrients in their soil and the sunlight in their sky.
In addition to the obvious things such as making sure your child is consuming the right nutrients, staying hydrated, and getting the quantity of sleep and exercise a growing body needs, here are 7 secrets that can help you raise a happy child.
1. Let your child know you are excited to see them when they enter the room. Let them see the light dance inside your eyes when their gaze drifts into yours. Be mindful of their presence by showing them your smile and greeting them warmly. Say their name out loud. Not only do children love to hear the sound of their name, they also long to feel validation from their loved ones. Think about it from an adult perspective – wouldn’t you love it if the face of the person you loved most lit like a holiday parade every time you entered the room? Your child loves you the most, imagine the returns after a childhood filled with such affection.
2. Teach your child it’s okay to be bored. As parents, it’s often our instinct to entertain our children each and every waking hour. When we don’t possess the time or energy, it is all too easy to allow the glowing blue babysitter in the living room to do the heavy lifting. But when we rely on television, or any other form of autopilot attention, we succeed only in limiting our child’s development. Children have vivid imaginations that flourish upon nurturing. But without the opportunity to coax their creativity, it will only whither on the vine. Allow your child idle minutes to develop their creativity with hands-on activities to stimulate their thought. A few sheets of paper and a box of crayons can keep a well rounded child busy for far longer than an episode of Dora.
3. Limit your child’s media. Related, but not limited to number two. Limiting your child’s exposure to media isn’t only a positive move for promoting their creativity, it is an excellent method to broaden their attention span while grooming their ability to stay calm. Your child will have plenty of exposure to more than you want soon enough. During those precious years when you are the designer of their decisions, you must make sure they are learning to live a life independent from the over-exposure that is often too easy to rely on. Yes it is difficult, but we owe it to the next generation to search for the right road rather than the easy one.
3. Limit your child’s media. Related, but not limited to number two. Limiting your child’s exposure to media isn’t only a positive move for promoting their creativity, it is an excellent method to broaden their attention span while grooming their ability to stay calm. Your child will have plenty of exposure to more than you want soon enough. During those precious years when you are the designer of their decisions, you must make sure they are learning to live a life independent from the over-exposure that is often too easy to rely on. Yes it is difficult, but we owe it to the next generation to search for the right road rather than the easy one.
4. Let your child know they are more important than work by giving them eye contact and attention. Your child doesn’t just need you around, they need you present. Play with your child, interact with them, find out what is important to them by asking questions and listening to their answers. Your child deserves at least a little bit of you each and every day, at least a few minutes where you are not considering your email or allowing your thoughts to wander over what’s been left sitting on your desk. Letting your child know they are important is like giving them an insulin shot of happy.
5. Let your child make a few of the rules. You don’t have to make them the boss to let them feel empowered. Often, power struggles with our children are the direct result of them feeling a loss of control. You can easily curb these instances by allowing your child to feel like they are part of making up some of the protocol. By at least appearing to give your child some of the control, you are helping them understand household law inside and out. This will lead directly to a willingness to follow.
6. Teach your child – don’t assume it’s all happening outside the house. Home schooling is every parent’s job. Whether your child attends public or private school, or receives all their schooling at home, it is essential to the world’s best future that parents are the ones to fill in the blanks. There are plenty of skills not taught in school that play a massive role in determining who your children will grow up to be. Children are not raised in tupperware, and when they finally leave us to enter the world far away from our watchful eyes, they must have the sharpened tools that will help them be the best that they can be.
7. Model appropriate behavior. In my opinion, this is the most important item on the list. Children do as they see, not as they’re told. If you want your child to be mindful of others, you must be mindful of others yourself. If you want your child to by happy, you must smile without hesitation. There is no one more influential to your child than you. At least for now.
Raising a happy child is hard work, but it is something that can and must be done. Once you focus on the needs of your child and ensure you are doing all you can to meet them, your efforts will be rewarded. You will have a healthy and happy child, fortunate to have been raised in a family where childhood wasn’t permitted to simply fade away.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Just a minute
How many times have I said that to my kids? "just a minute' or 'maybe later', sometimes not even knowing if 'later' will come, sometimes knowing 'later' will never come.
Wes Stafford is the President and CEO of Compassion International. He's written a book called 'Just a Minute' - a collection of stories, based around the powerful concept that 'in the heart of a child, one moment can last forever.' This is something I need to remember more and more.
Such a privilege we have to honour the children around us with our time and attention. Beautiful opportunities, or as Wes Stafford puts it, divine appointments, to affirm the value of others. Or not. The book also talks of one moment that helped shape the course of Adolf Hitler's life, and other times when moments have been used carelessly.
The days are long, but the years are short, so the saying goes. May I use my moments carefully.
You can read the first chapter here for free.
Wes Stafford is the President and CEO of Compassion International. He's written a book called 'Just a Minute' - a collection of stories, based around the powerful concept that 'in the heart of a child, one moment can last forever.' This is something I need to remember more and more.
''with each child you encounter, you have the power to build up, or sadly tear down. A life can be..launched with a single word, an uplifting comment, a well timed hug, a tender prayer, the holding of a frightened hand or the gentle wiping of a tear all in just one minute."
So many truths in this book - reminders that are so needed in the midst of a hot, busy, long day at home. I think sometimes we can underestimate the power of a moment with children. How easily we can impress things on them, how easily they remember. Mim is constantly amazing me with her memory of things I had long forgotten, things that obviously still play on her mind.
I want to remember that what my children and the neighbourhood children have to say to me is important to them. Sometimes it's hard when they are telling me for the 20th time. I want to look them in the eye so they know that they are worth somebody doing that, even though they are smaller.
Such a privilege we have to honour the children around us with our time and attention. Beautiful opportunities, or as Wes Stafford puts it, divine appointments, to affirm the value of others. Or not. The book also talks of one moment that helped shape the course of Adolf Hitler's life, and other times when moments have been used carelessly.
The days are long, but the years are short, so the saying goes. May I use my moments carefully.
You can read the first chapter here for free.
"When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared back at me, incredulous, and said, 'You mean they forget?' (Howard Ikemoto)
Monday, May 7, 2012
From November, 2010
*********************************************************************************
Just after writing about our neighbours, our landlord asked them to leave, simply because the boys were naughty. They left before I even knew they were leaving. I will always wonder what will become of those two boys. I think of the times I turned them away from playing or got impatient with their fighting. Could we have done more? Shown more love in the time we had with them? My prayer is that they will find a place where they are tolerated, and ultimately, their true refuge.
What is it about children anyway, that does tug at the heart strings? Why are we so endeared to them more than any other sub-group of humanity, particularly when they are in need? With children, what we do now to them, with them and for them can be so influential. We have responsibility and opportunity.
As parents and carers, we have an unparelleled treasure. A life to guard. A spirit of another human being to nurture and protect.
The Spare Oom
"What will our children do in the morning? Will they wake with their hearts wanting to play, the way wings should? What will our children do in the morning if they do not see us fly?"
Jalaludin Rumi (1207-1273)
I never meant to care about the children here. Pictures on television and glossy brochures distributed by NGOs annoyed me with their heart-string-tugging clichedness. Little kids with pot bellies covered in flies staring listlessly. Or sometimes having a great time playing around the water pump. There was enough people to care about that, right? I had to find something different. (Those of you familiar with the enneagram will recognise some 4ness emerging here.)
But as I spend more time sitting on our front step watching our kids play with kids whose day includes playing around a water pump, through no fault of my own, I'm starting to care. It's apparent the lack of supervison and stimulation can really affect these kids. Actually, it's not all bad. The other day, some of them got a plastic bag, filled it with leaves and called it a football. Cool, Games still include nothing but imagination and a bunch of friends.
Recently a family moved into a little thatch room next to ours. Functionally, they consist of mum and two boys aged 6 and 2 (Dad works a lot). Their room is about 4 x 6 metres and is their bedroom, dining room, kitchen, laundry and living room. They are from another state so immediately face a language barrier. The boys, particularly when Mum is cooking in that small space, have nowhere else to go except wander between our house and our front step. It's pretty boring. And with such an expanse of waste water canal right in front of you, why wouldn't you throw things in? Aunty's cup and plate, and the toys from the white kids next door make great splashes! But now, the boys are in trouble. Not only from Mum, but from every Aunty within earshot. And this becomes the most interaction from adults for most of the day. Everyone says their piece and goes back to work. Mum goes back to cooking, now feeling condemned because not even a language barrier can hide the fact that all the women are talking about how naughty her boys are and that they should go back to where they came from.
We rent two rooms here. One is our bedroom and dining room. The other is a playspace and 'school room' for our 2 and 3 year old. With a waste water canal and 2 railway tracks the prominent feature of our community, this space has been a blessing for us. There are number and alphabet posters hanging on the wall, and stars and moons made from cereal boxes and alfoil hanging from the ceiling.
Lately, it has also become a playspace for the other children in our community, who being kids, naturally gravitate there! It can be noisy, calm, creative and chaotic and (usually) we love it! It's nice to be able to provide a safe place for the kids to be allowed to play as well as provide a rest for the mums, who work so hard just to do everyday tasks of living in a slum. It's becoming one of the many little communities within our community and we are grateful for the privilege.
*********************************************************************************
Just after writing about our neighbours, our landlord asked them to leave, simply because the boys were naughty. They left before I even knew they were leaving. I will always wonder what will become of those two boys. I think of the times I turned them away from playing or got impatient with their fighting. Could we have done more? Shown more love in the time we had with them? My prayer is that they will find a place where they are tolerated, and ultimately, their true refuge.
What is it about children anyway, that does tug at the heart strings? Why are we so endeared to them more than any other sub-group of humanity, particularly when they are in need? With children, what we do now to them, with them and for them can be so influential. We have responsibility and opportunity.
As parents and carers, we have an unparelleled treasure. A life to guard. A spirit of another human being to nurture and protect.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Beginning to string pearls...
Some old posts, from my cottage door some thoughts that kept coming, and some unintentional gravitation to the things we learn from kids....
Growing up doesn't necessarily equal maturing.
 |
| "And I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now" |
I’m wondering if I should rename my blog something along the lines of “Things we learn from kids”. I never meant it to be like this, it’s just that this is what keeps coming. Jesus teaches us to become like children, and I’m understanding that there is so many layers to His teaching. It really is a privilege to be a mum and learn all the things I was not privy to before.
We’ve just returned from a beautiful trip to Thailand. Half visa run, half holiday. So relaxing – markets, cafes, delicious street food abounds. The completely laid back atmosphere, something so different to what we have become accustomed to, was what I needed to get some energy back for returning to K. We spent an evening with one of our amazing team mates, (happy to chill with our little party of four!) We sat at a sidewalk table, as a soloist played guitar just across from us. Mim started to dance on the sidewalk. Just by herself, completely oblivious that other people were watching. She was just doing what felt right and fun! Jumping, skipping, twirling, making up some words and moving to the side if she was in anybody’s way and then picking up right where she left off.
It made me wonder why I can’t ‘dance’ in the same authentic carefree way, moving to the side as I need to, but coming back to what I know is right? A four year old can forget everybody watching, so why do I always move as if I have an audience, even when there isn’t one at all?
We’ve just returned from a beautiful trip to Thailand. Half visa run, half holiday. So relaxing – markets, cafes, delicious street food abounds. The completely laid back atmosphere, something so different to what we have become accustomed to, was what I needed to get some energy back for returning to K. We spent an evening with one of our amazing team mates, (happy to chill with our little party of four!) We sat at a sidewalk table, as a soloist played guitar just across from us. Mim started to dance on the sidewalk. Just by herself, completely oblivious that other people were watching. She was just doing what felt right and fun! Jumping, skipping, twirling, making up some words and moving to the side if she was in anybody’s way and then picking up right where she left off.
It made me wonder why I can’t ‘dance’ in the same authentic carefree way, moving to the side as I need to, but coming back to what I know is right? A four year old can forget everybody watching, so why do I always move as if I have an audience, even when there isn’t one at all?
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